Friday, June 3, 2011

Trapped

Have you ever struggled with something?
Something that seems like a catch 22?
Things have come a long way from 3 years ago.
3 years ago I was working full time at a job that I hated, with people that I did not want to be around.
My wonderful Hubby was willing to make the sacrifice with me (and probably tired of me coming home everyday crying) to cut back and allow me to work part time.
Throughout working part time I was happy and satisfied with the amount of time I got with Boogs because it was more than I had in the past.
Now, I am still working part time.
I work in the morning till 12:30.
It was a great job that I fell into and make good money for the work that I do.
There is one problem, now I HATE GOING TO WORK!
Everyday I walk out of the house, leaving my Hubby and my Boogs at home.
Hubby leaves for his work around 9:00 and Boogs goes to his grandparents (which is a total blessing because we couldn't afford daycare and I know he is being loved).
But it is killing me!
I am his Momma.
I should be the one with him in the morning when he is so eager to learn and play.
I should be taking him on play dates with his/ our friends.

However,
If I quit my job today so that I could do those things,
We probably would not be able to pay the bills, let alone afford for me and Boogs to go and do anything outside of the house.
The desire that God has laid on my heart since before Boogs was even born was to be a stay at home mom.
Boogs was a surprise about 4 years early. (No complaining he his here though)
Hubby and myself were not financially set up for me to stay at home.
Now we are working towards Hubby becoming a Pastor and as some may know, that doesn't pay so great.

I just recently realized what all of this negativity comes from.
JEALOUSY!!!!
Before, I was jealous that I couldn't work part time like other Mommy's I knew.
Now, I'm jealous of other Mommy's that stay home all day.
I really try to appreciate what I have but sometimes I forget.
I forget what things used to be like and how far they have come.
I need to keep things in perspective and no matter what,
Enjoy the time that I DO have with Boogs!

Thanks for letting me talk things through with you guys, You have no idea how much it helps.

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4 comments:

  1. So I was reading this blog the other day, then today i was reading a book and it was talking about Gods grace and mommys. It made me think about the blog you wrote (one which i can relate to) anyways i thought i would share this paragraph with you cause i think its awesome...

    "One of the most important things i've learned about mothering goes back to something i heard several years ago from my friend nancy, who gave me her time and her wisdom just after I graduated from college. She told me that when you compare yourself to another person, you always lose, and at the same time the other person always loses, too. Each of us has been created by the hands of a holy God, and our stories and the twists and turns of our lives, the things that are hard for us, and the things that come naturally, are as unique to us as our own fingerprints. She told me that one way to ensure a miserable life is to constantly measure your own life by the lives of the people around you."

    I know that i do a lot of comparing my life to others and she's right...i always lose! haha...It was just a good encouraging word to hear it explained to me like that, i'm not doing any good by comparing my situations to others and i need to be reminded often that i am exactly where God wants me right now and for that I am thankful...even on the bad days :)

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  2. @Jenna bramer You are such an amazing woman. You give me such encouragement and also know the best way to point it right back to God. Amazing! Love ya!

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  3. Christina! I totally know how you feel! And just know you are not alone...we all have days like this and as hard as it is, just know WHY you are doing it..to give your son a better life! :)

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  4. @Brittany@Love Stitched
    Thank you so much for your encouraging words. You are too sweet!

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